The Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom by Jo Barrett

Author:Jo Barrett
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780061844287
Publisher: HarperCollins

The bathroom is drafty and reeks of stale beer. There’s wet toilet paper on the floor, cigarettes in the sink.

Inside, Leslie starts pacing.

“I’m freaking out here!” she says. “Why’s he acting like this? The other night, he was all over me. Tonight, he’s totally hands-off! It’s got to be Jennifer!”

“Well, he did introduce everyone, so technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong,” I say, sounding like a lawyer. “Maybe he’s not big into p.d.a.”

“I hate public displays of affection, too. But it’s not like I’m trying to shove my tongue down his throat! C’mon! I mean, we’re dating, aren’t we? He’s spending the night at my place! And did you see the way she was looking at him? She couldn’t take her eyes off him!”

“What’s important is whether he’s interested in her, and so far, he’s acted equally friendly to everyone.”

“Oh, please, Claire. What was this ‘Jennifer wiped us out on the bike’ thing? What was THAT?”

“Maybe he’s just being polite. Look. Don’t worry about her. Be your normal self and see what happens.”

Leslie opens her purse and pulls out a lip gloss. She leans toward the mirror and jabs it quickly around her lips.

“How do I look?” She swings around. “Do I look freaked out?”

“Beautiful. You have nothing to worry about.”

Leslie hurries out the door and I follow her. We approach the wolf pack, and I suddenly realize that everything I’ve said is completely wrong. Leslie and I spot it at the same time.

Michael is sitting next to Jennifer. Despite all the people around the picnic table, they’re lost in each other. Michael’s elbow is resting on the table, his fist curled underneath his chin. Jennifer is animated. She’s talking and smiling like a girl who cycles really, really fast.

I hear Leslie whimper.

“Keep smiling!” I say, jabbing her with my elbow.

Leslie saunters up to Michael. She smiles sweetly at Jennifer. Jennifer smiles back. It’s a smile-athon.

“So what did we miss?” I ask.

“Jennifer teaches the Tuesday night spin class,” Michael says. “She thinks I should start training indoors for the race.”

“Spinning will prepare you for the race better than any road workout,” Jennifer says, matter-of-fact.

“Sounds risky,” Leslie retorts.

“It’s smart,” Michael says.

Leslie looks at me.

I decide to get involved. This just isn’t right. The Waffle King doesn’t know what’s about to hit him.

“So, Jennifer. How did you get involved with cycling?” I ask, squeezing in next to her. I’m sitting on the opposite side, which forces her to look away from Michael.

Jennifer can’t be rude, so she half-turns in my direction.

“I’ve been racing since college,” Jennifer says. She tries to turn back toward Michael.

“I admire anyone with your willpower,” I say quickly. “How do you manage it?”

Jennifer smiles politely. I see over her shoulder that Leslie has made a stealth move and squeezed in next to Michael.

Leslie and I are like wild lions, the two of us. You know how the one lion jumps on the water buffalo’s back and holds on while the other lion helps take it down? That’s how I feel.

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